Runaway Girl

No one likes to talk about anger, but I think it’s just like happiness, sadness, love etc.
A strong feeling of being upset or outraged, most times it is seen as something you should be ashamed of, from experience it is something I should not feel.

For most of my childhood, I was alone and angry especially my teenage years I didn’t agree with a lot of things, I was accused of so many things, judged morally my escape was school.
Hey, Bams remember I used to be the first in class every morning? Yup, that was why.

Most girls are given hell in their teenage years and pushed to depression.

I remember I was choking in boarding school, I also thought of suicide, trust me I wrote goodbye letters, but eventually, I ran away, I ran home.

I ran because I couldn’t take it anymore, I had been enduring and enduring, failing hmm failing badly honestly I think my stay in the boarding house was more important than my grades.

Then, I was taken back rather forced back by uncles who held me in the car and once we got out of the car I ran, I was stopped by a policeman who pointed a gun at me, hmm…

I try so hard to forget that day to forget the look on the face of people around me the way they stared at me with pity and displeasure.
Okay, that’s enough I am getting shy already.

I repress memories, I do, it might not be healthy but when something hurts I try so hard to forget it.

But now I try to feel what I am feeling and get through it because no matter how hard you try to forget or run from it the past always catches up with you.

I tried so hard to forget that school and everyone I met there, I never talked about it, it never came up even in the next school.

I had no one to talk to because everyone knows what’s right for you.
Do you know what people would say about you? (I got that a lot).
They were already talking.
LOL, I was even taking for deliverance because people said I had lost my mind.

I was home for a while not too long, forced deliverance service attendance then I got into another school, became a day student, I loved that school, I met Bams, Ibb, Lydia, Precious, Blessing and many more.
Most of the people I met there became family to me and are still.

My grades got better I even joined science class (you know the hype about science students).
I had the best chemistry teacher/ tutor MacFish😆

I have realized that Some People look at you crazy especially when you don’t have the same views or share their opinion.
Some People think different is weird or crazy.
Some People care about what others think or would say.

For me that is stressful I can’t live like that.

I am really not a fan of boarding schools, I think it is an excuse not to teach and take care of your kids, I don’t think I want someone else raising mine, maybe a million people were able to take it but there are people not built for that.

I couldn’t read at “prep time” it was impossible but as a day student I stayed up at night reading.
It makes me sad when people try to change kids, try to change who they are because you think a girl is meant to be this or a boy is meant to be that just to fit your standards or the one society laid out by society.

I am glad I ran.
I am glad I am here.
Suicide is not an option.
Suicide does not solve your problems.

It’s hard especially in a world full of people that don’t understand.

But seek help professional help if possible, speak up and fight for what you want.

There is more to the story but that’s for another day.

Featured Image:
Photo by sean Kong on Unsplash

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