Accepting who I really am

The Identity Crisis Phase.


Who am I?

At this point, I’ll say I am still trying to figure out who I really am, what I really like and what I actually want to do with my life. Well, I am still going through the “identity crisis phase”, where I really don’t want to be seen in any pictures or I do not want my name or my pictures on any of my social media accounts, LOL. I’m hopeful I’ll get through this phase.

To the main Question, Who am I?

The conclusion of not knowing who I really am is being drawn based on certain decisions I have made in the past years, LOL a lot of embarrassing decisions that I MIGHT share. Decisions that didn’t favour me, going with the wind kind of decisions.

Yeah, I am an indecisive person, I have always had problems making choices.

Decisions that always had bad repercussions. For example, situations where I need to make healthy choices when it comes to food there is a particular type of food I always end up binging which is really bad for my weight loss journey. Or when it comes to Job offers, the times when I’m being offered a job on something I quit doing a while ago and still take it because “I’m nice” LOL, or this creepy job offer I got and deep down in my heart I knew it was not right but there I go again, (not me though I ran like hell). Making certain decisions that don’t reflect how much I love myself, hmm I did that for years and it just made me feel Lost. But the thing is, do we ever know if the decisions we make are going to turn out right or wrong.

I try to be cautious with the kind of decisions or choices I make or rather just ignore it and hope one goes away (going with the wind) because I believe the decisions we make now will affect what will happen the next moment or later and this always scared me, I promise I am not a chicken.

The second conclusion self-worth, well at some point I always looked down on myself, like I wasn’t good enough, and that’s not accepting who I really am, probably because a lot of people would find my likes weird, or for the sake of fitting in, or to avoid comments like she’s crazy, yeah I’m crazy and I love it, but that’s the amazing part though there is only going to be one me. This also led to settling for less, “it’s probably what I deserve” type of thinking, and I just found myself unhappy, depressed, gaining weight and filling my life up with unnecessaries.

But, who am I really? Well, I’m still answering that Question every day. But realizing there was a problem somewhere and leaving that unhappy phase of lying to myself that I was okay has helped a lot. More to come and more conclusions to be drawn.

Just so you know, I’m just sharing stories.

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