If I were to describe myself a year ago, it would be “the depressed pessimist”.
Yes, I would choose that because asides being depressed I was a very negative person.
Being pessimistic was a defense mechanism I used to protect and prepare myself for unexpected bad news; I always expected the bad things to happen, but when it turned out all good instead, I would be happy and if eventually the bad happens, I would not be surprised and it wouldn’t break my heart. I did this because expecting something and getting disappointed affected me so much. I always get invested.
Being depressed was like I hit rock bottom: I was broke, broken, confused, sad, overweight, stuck in school, had no plans; the lowest point in my life and I didn’t know what to do. This went on for a year.
How did I get through depression?
- Realization and accepting change
Have you ever been at a point where you realize nothing is working?
I mean the old things you used to do—now, is not just working; I have been here and this can definitely make you feel depressed.
At this point, I feel this is the time you have to forget everything you know or you think you know and start learning again.
“Learning and unlearning” it’s okay to start over, I like to believe that life is a continuous loop of learning and mastering. Don’t expect what worked for you in your teenage years to work for you in your early twenties and the same goes as you grow older.
change is okay.
- Changing my thoughts and being positive
Changing my thoughts and being more positive was hard, I’m sure I cried and screamed “why me!” several times, but I had to change, start being more positive and think good thoughts.
When I did that I became happier, hopeful and free.
- Keeping a journal
I started keeping a “feelings journal” or a diary (whichever you choose to call it), I was writing exactly how I felt: if I was feeling sad or happy, what caused it, the things I wanted and more.
I was writing a lot.
It was relieving, made me feel light, and helped me let out the things I was keeping inside: mostly anger.
- Forgiving
I have talked about forgiveness in my old posts—honestly, it was very important for me. I had been holding on to so much, and most of that forgiveness was for me (I had to forgive myself for so much). It was very emotional in the beginning, I wrote letters (unsent letters) that mostly started with: “I forgive myself for.” or “Hi
Cupcake, I just wanted to let you know I forgive you for…….”
I did it as often as I could, and it felt good each time, sometimes I would cry while writing but eventually, it got better.
- I sought help
Now, I didn’t have money for therapy, but I did seek help the way I could, I started searching, I found people who had gone through similar situations: I found Lisa Nichols, Rhoda Byrne (author of the secret), I watched videos (videos of people who shared their story), I read blog posts, and it was helpful. I got a lot from Lisa’s story, she is awesome—you should check her out.
- Working on the things I had problems with instead of complaining
One of the major things I had a problem with was being overweight, gosh it used to make me feel so bad, I was ashamed of the excess fat gain I used to hide in my clothes (oversized clothes).
I had to stop beating myself up and do something about it. I started eating better and working out, it has been a rocky journey I am still on it, but this has helped me so much, I feel better (Running and strength training makes me feel good).
- Sharing with Someone
Now, this might be the hardest. It’s easy opening up and writing in your journal because you know no one is going to read or go through it. But opening up to someone (family or friend) can be hard.
I was lucky to have someone to talk to, I know the world is a messy place and you don’t know who to trust (I can relate). I hope you find someone that understands and listens.
Finally!!
Well, I still have a lot to share especially on how I am feeling now and the things I’m learning and figuring out every day.
I want you to know that you are not alone: everyone is on their own journey, walking their paths, at their own pace.
You’ll figure it out.
I hope this was helpful.
Don’t forget to take deep breaths and be kind to yourself.
Feel free to ask questions or leave a comment, thanks for reading.
Just sharing.
Featured Image:
Unsplash photo by Hello I’m Nik
