The way bruises on the skin heal that’s how I feel we heal, with time, patience and treatment. Healing from the hurt and pain, from heartbreaks, sexual assault or whatever it is that causes you to feel this way.
It’s crazy how most things in our lives connect, it’s crazy how we have to go through certain things in life, but that’s life and it is healthy if we heal, learn, grow, let go and move on.
I talked about how I used to ignore and try so hard not to remember certain things because they hurt and yes, I did succeed in blocking them out but life finds a way of bringing them back to you, like an ex that hurt you or an incidence that happened a long time ago, you are one day going to face them and the hurt just comes back again because you never got through it.
I used to try not to cry because it made me seem weak, I used to try not get angry because it made me seem like a crazy person and some people made me feel crazy for even being pissed, but I think there are certain types of emotions that are meant to be felt, like when your heart is broken, you hurt because maybe you loved that person or a sexual assault incident; it’s okay for you to be scared, or angry when you are not pleased with something and most of these emotions that I used to think made me seem weak or crazy or vulnerable are actually what makes me who I am, what makes me strong and human.
Well, I have not had a lot of heartbreaks *LOL how many heartbreaks is a lot? (Ignore me) but I know each time, people around me used to tell me “don’t let them see you cry”, “stop crying”, it’s best you don’t talk about it, I know it comes from a place of love but I really wished I cried, screamed and cursed, that would have helped me get over it sooner. I always found myself holding on to these emotions for a long time and each time I remembered it, it hurt so much, even the sexual assault incidence I wished I had someone to talk to about it, I know I blocked it out for so long but now I feel so much better, because I stopped feeling ashamed, I talked about it especially how I felt.
About that some of my friends have not spoken to me since after “sexual assault and why do I have to be blamed for it” article and one told me “you touched my bone marrow” meaning it got to him and another said “I’m sorry that happened to you” and we talked about those kinds of issues in the world, I know you’ve probably known me for a while and you didn’t know about that, but it happened a long time ago, it doesn’t bother me anymore, and I am okay, so let’s talk again.
Feeling what I feel; this is one thing I really do now I do not try to block, shove or suppress things anymore I get through it, I talk about it and I know my patience level has increased by 50%(I’ll get there) I even keep a “feelings journal”. I remember I had to write unsent letters to the people who hurt me and to myself too and it helped to let go of a lot of things.
Forgiveness is hard and it was emotional listing things I forgave myself for I cried, laughed, cried hard and laughed hard but it really helped, I figured out I had so much to forgive myself for and this helped me heal.
Healing is important to me because I don’t hurt anymore, I get to be free and happy again.
I always say if I have a lot of money I’ll go to therapy, yes I will, life is crazy and sometimes we need to talk to someone maybe not just therapy, we can also talk to the people we love and trust.
Just sharing.
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