I have been thinking of ways to write about this without saying too much, because I am still working through it.
Disappointment is a feeling I am very familiar with. This feeling is not new for a child who feels like he/she is not a priority in the lives of the parents. So this has always seemed normal to deal with–well, disappointment is normal when you have expectations.
There are several things I have learned and become more aware of, for example, “Entitlement” or having the entitlement mentality. I learned about it the first time I read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle
I understand what it means to be entitled and having expectations for people, we suffer a lot emotionally because of this.
So, I self check if I am being entitled to anything, including love and try to stop myself from having expectations for people. But I want to talk about how hard it is to let go of certain expectations, especially from people you are related to like your parents.
It’s hard, and that is the reason for my recent sufferings.
This part has eaten me up at different moments in my life, and with the awareness I have gained and worked through, I still experience this. I wish it is easy to get to that point where you detach yourself from certain people or certain things, especially when they make promises that you didn’t ask for and they don’t follow through.
It is annoying, “It’s better to not make promises you won’t keep or say things you are likely not to do”.
It hurts.
Expectations, expecting people to care about you, love you back or show up for you like you show up for them. I know parents are in the drag in this post but, we experience this in different areas of our lives.
I have learned not to expect anyone to know or understand how I feel, or the things going on in my life, like to know how their actions can cause me pain.
It is a hard journey, honestly!
In those moments, you’ll be livid with questions like ” how doesn’t this person get it”, “why is it this hard to understand”. One thing this experience has taught me is communicating, trying to communicate better. But you get to the point when you realize you can’t keep doing this anymore.
And it won’t be in a state of anger, you will just be done.
I am done.
I hope I was able to share this in a way you’ll understand, and for those who experience this, you are not alone. I am learning to love myself every day more and more. I hope you are too. Because detachment and letting go of expectations is also a form of self-love.
Thank you for reading and spending time with me.
#timewithrella
Just Sharing A Life
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