Hello guys!! Welcome back to my blog, it was an amazing 2019 for me, I hope it was the same for you. To the main question, How did the year go? Well, I’ll start by telling you how the year went for me.
I’ll say 2019 was a bit more emotional, experiencing and feeling things, I dealt with jealousy, not feeling good enough, impostor syndrome, a lot of blocks, anger, anxiety, pain-body, child hood trauma and family drama. some, I am still processing and working through. The most eventful or really eye-opening was finally realizing I had so much resentment towards family, no one exempted. First was my dad and then my mum, and the rest follows.
This time I got to relive and revisit why I really wanted to runaway from home or just get away from there. Like some families, or not, my family is complicated and it was at some point a really toxic, emotional draining, mentally frustrating environment for me.
Based on the tweets I come across about parents or families on my timeline I know I am not the only one who has experienced this and it’s relieving that we get to vent and talk about it now. This particular issue started surfacing mainly from the middle of the year and still kind of going on now, it came up in different ways, the different relationships to the people in my family; the father to daughter relationship, the mother to daughter relationship, brother to sister and so on.
But most importantly, I am grateful that I got to experience and work on this now, so I can finally process, understand, forgive and heal from it.
Furthermore, I can say that all the things I experience last year, are in a way connected, because I had to go back, dig up the layers figure out the point my trust was broken, the point I felt betrayed, the moments I felt unsafe, the times I believed I wasn’t good enough, the moments I hated myself, my body, me, the moments I believed someone else’s false narrative about me, the moments that left me disappointed, the moments I was discriminating, unkind to myself etc. I know it sounds a lot but it has been worth it. Now, I am directed towards looking for ways to do better or be better–fill my insides with light, peace and let go of the negative energy.
End of year practice
For new year’s eve I decided to write three lists:
1. Let go list
2. let in list
3. gratitude list
The plan was to burn the let go list along with the letters I wrote while I was going through depression–my very own decluttering and letting go practice. But before I did, I went through the letters I wrote, it was amazing recognizing the change that had taken place between then and now, these letters go back December 2017). I noticed I mostly kept repeating “I forgive you Cindy”, ” I love you Cindy”, in the very first letters I wrote to myself. I wrote that I didn’t know what I wanted, or where I was going. It was sad to read but, I had so much joy seeing how far I have come and how much progress I have made.
And So, I do feel very fortunate, privileged and grateful for it.
The let in and gratitude list mostly contained things I am grateful for and the things I am opening up to and letting in this 2020, which I am to keep in my journal till the rest of the year, editing and going back to it.
Another thing I am grateful I experienced is people–I met amazing people especially women this year, I got my first intern job as a personal fitness trainer and the experience has been unmatched… I am training with older beautiful women on their fitness journey and it has taught me so much, especially how long being kind to people goes… And being pro woman it is a great opportunity to connect with other women out there.
Yes yes I had a fun year, and now it’s all about reevaluating, checking in with myself and doing so much better this year…
Please do tell me about your year in the comment section, I hope with all the chaos we sometimes experience, you also experienced moments, something, people or someone amazing.
Have an awesome year ahead!! filled with love, light, kindness, grace and success.
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Enjoy your moments..
Just Sharing, Cindy.
Featured Image: Photo by David Boca on Unsplash
