Hey, beautiful readers!! its another moment to share and yes I won’t back down from that, now this post was inspired by a client I am training with ( yup, currently I am a junior personal trainer). I believe it to be an amazing experience because this time I got to be the listener and the share felt familiar.
That very moment reminded me of how I felt about food and how I used to punish myself for feeling hungry and craving the things I really loved because, “I was not meant to”, I hated moments where I had just eaten but didn’t feel full, was still hungry, and, I won’t leave out the judgmental looks and comments from people who do not really understand what you are going through.
I mean you are overweight, “already fat”, why do you still need to eat? more importantly, why do you even still feel hungry? can’t my body just feed itself from the fat-caused folds, double chin, flabby arms, big belly?
No dear Cindy it can’t. please remember you are human and it’s very okay to feel hungry and not feel full and mainly to eat.
How and why did I punish myself for my weight and body size?
I ate less, deprived myself, starved and called myself names.
I didn’t have a healthy relationship and understanding about food; especially, the ones I was putting in my body and the ones I was avoiding. My idea of what body shape and size is acceptable and beautiful was shaped by different standards and beliefs.
My relationship with food now
My relationship with food is so much better because now I don’t avoid eating or pretending that I don’t like food or even hiding to eat, and I had to work on a lot of things to get to this point.
I had to work on my inside–working on the guilty feeling after eating, working on my thoughts and the things I believed about food and just experience it for myself.
I also discovered my inside had a lot to say about what I was putting into my body, for example, what felt good after eating and what didn’t even, the quantity of food I was ingesting. I knew I had to start listening to me.
Furthermore, I decided to learn and get more information about food and how it could help with my health and wellness goal. Like, learning to read nutritional labels, learning about food nutrients, and calorie content, its benefits, etc.
I had fun doing that. I honestly enjoyed it, I even got a scale to help with my portions.
Eventually, I stopped feeling guilty about having cake, ice cream or bread, I found a way to have them and have my veggies, my fruits, my protein… Ahh, my famous happy plate. And even when I have something extra I don’t punish myself for it, I look forward to making better choices. and on the special days, I have my cravings I’ll just have a cheat meal instead of a cheat day…
Findings in my journey
In this journey, I learned that a slice of cake won’t “make me fat” and it all depends on my lifestyle and the choices I make every day, I have tried out so much from starving to eating 2 times or once a day, 3-6 times a day and every day I keep learning more about myself and finding what works for me.
In addition, trying to work out, resolve and build a healthier relationship with food will have you going deep inside to have a conversation with yourself about why you punish yourself, why you probably starve, what or which moments trigger you and cause hunger or cause you to binge. This will be very helpful in the long run for emotional eaters, like me, food can be very comforting, but developing a toxic relationship with it can be poor for our health.
so, let’s peel off the layers and figure out what’s resulting in an unhealthy eating habit, heal and let go, it will surprise you how deep and far back it might go.
I learned that looking and feeling are two different things. I always look forward to having conversations with people at the gym or anywhere who are on their fitness journey, and I always ask about their meal plans or diet, I like to know how it makes them feel because I think our feelings count…
If you are trying something and it makes you miserable and sad and makes you feel like you are punishing yourself, why do you keep doing it?
I also like to remind people that it’s okay to feel hungry you are human and you don’t have to berate or hate yourself for it, things changed for me the day I realized this.
We don’t have to punish ourselves for having a cake, a donut or a candy bar just have it and even on those days just have that cheat meal and move on without fear or guilt. it’s so easy to say but it takes a lot of work. Plus even when you “fail” and have a fallback, it is okay, dust it off and try again.
As has been noted, I LOVE FOOD. I am a food anticipator LOL, I always look forward to my next meal it’s amazing because I don’t have to beat myself up anymore. something I understood from this journey is,
Sometimes you might think you are eating too much but you are not eating enough and sometimes you might think you are eating as little as possible but you are just eating too much.
So, instead of punishing yourself why don’t you learn more about what’s going into your body.
Please enjoy that trip, that dinner date, enjoy that lunch also, enjoy the piece of cake at that party dance and have fun. Give yourself a break, you deserve it.
Be kind to yourself, you are all you’ve got.
Enjoy your moments.
-Cindy.
Hello, once again this is a reach out to all women of different sizes, color, and shape. and I won’t leave out the men too, most of us have been watching our weight from a very young age being scared to eat, ashamed so we hide and we punish ourselves, I only hope for us to stop and start treating ourselves better, with love, kindness, and empathy. most of the time our weight and unhealthy relationship with food is caused by something much deeper and sometimes by just worrying too much and that is the result of what we carry now.
so let’s work on it and seek help if we can.
Please if you come across this, leave a comment of your nickname, weight(if you know it), dress size (if you know it), your favorite food, and color(s) and what age you started watching your weight.
I’ll start I’m Cindy. I currently weigh 94kg (Lol people are surprised when I tell them). I am not so sure but I’m between size 14-16 depending on what I wear. I love tea, bread, golden morn and plantains. you’ll always find me wearing black, blue, grey. I started watching my weight when I was 12/13.
Thank you for being patient and reading, don’t forget to like and share–I always hope these posts find people who need it.
Featured Image:
Unsplash photo by Jon Tyson
Photo by malcolm garret from Pexels
