Dealing with Breakups

Hihi!!!, Welcome back to my blog, This post is about break-ups…

Yeah, no one likes to talk about this lol. Well, I had some things I wanted to share with you my readers, I’m sure we know most of these things, still, I hope we keep them in our awareness. The breakup periods are crazy and most times very painful, we end up doing things we might regret or dread or even cringe at for the rest of our lives. So, I am going to discuss a few things, specifically, what I learned from my experience.

During the break-up period, we experience and feel different things, denial, fear, regret, anger, we become desperate for answers, we try to figure out and understand why? just why it ended, and most times, we hold on to the false hope of getting back together, we also end up giving them multiple chances to try again because it feels like a part of yourself is being taken away and you really don’t want to let it go, I mean they had become a part of your life, and it can be difficult letting go. Then, when we have succeeded in moving on for two weeks we have setbacks… hopefully, a lot of us can relate to that.

I was still holding on, hoping maybe they might change their mind and everything should just go back to how it was, but if I asked myself now, how was it really? was it really that great to go back to?

maybe, maybe not.

So, for whatever the reasons or the circumstances surrounding the break-up, one major thing I will always take with me no matter what is, “Do not lose yourself”– I would gladly mantra these words “remember who you are”.

Yuss!!, the first on the list, do not lose yourself, you have to remember who you are and how this situation doesn’t define you, this will include not doing things out of your character, for example, letting the people you won’t normally, into your life, having meaningless sexual relationships because you are hurting (unless it is not for that reason)

It might sound crazy but I have been here, you want to be so numb that you can’t feel anything, you end up hurting someone who didn’t hurt you and most importantly, you end up hurting yourself more.

Secondly, self-blame and self-sabotage we some times blame our exes for the breakups and the bad things that happened in the relationships but, we also blame ourselves, maybe not for the things that actually happened but for the choices we made, like: for letting that person into our lives, for loving that person, for not leaving, for not standing up for ourselves, eventually, we lean into finding faults in ourselves, “what is wrong with me”, it’s worse when we’ve experienced a similar situation, whereby our exes were the ones to end the relationship, then we go in to the full “is there something wrong with me?” mode, “why dont people want to be with me?”, “am I not enough?”

I had a lot of these moments in the very few relationships I have had, it was heart-wrenching. I kept thinking about what was wrong with me, why my relationships never lasted up to a year, why people didn’t take me seriously, why I never got tired to leave, and why I was always the one being left.

And last on the list, “seeking closure”, this can mean different things; trying to understand why a relationship ended and some times people mean sex lol (you know what I mean, but if you don’t, seeking closure when you actually mean sex) sex with an ex especially when you are still going through the break-up is dangerous so, stay away, run for your life.

Things I feel are necessary after a breakup.

Staying present, aware and true: this will involve you being honest with yourself, feeling exactly how you feel and knowing that it’s okay. Being present with the break up not living in the past–being aware of everything going on, it’s hard but it is very important to feel how you feel because emotions that are not felt or transformed will be transferred.

Taking time to heal: this is also very much needed, taking time, space to heal, even if it takes blocking the ex on social media or deleting their number it’s okay, and not immature (a lot of people have guilt-tripped this into being immature) no, it is not, this is the moment you have to put yourself and your healing first so if it takes cutting them completely out of your life least or for a period you should.

Forgiving yourself and Letting go: this takes practice, patience, and kindness, we have been in different relationships and situations some we blame ourselves for and some we don’t, and the forgiveness is for you, for your peace of mind and this will help you let go and move on.

Finally, Spending time with yourself, getting to know yourself more, doing the things you like, finding new hobbies…. basically, focusing on your growth, the healing process and learning to love yourself again.

There are still a lot of ways we can get through a break-up, I strongly encourage you to be kind to yourself and take your time. Explore, practice self-love and be patient, no matter how much you must have loved or felt for that person, love also means putting yourself first and taking good care of yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally.

I am happy to have shared this with you, every day we keep learning–the learning never stops. There is more to come.

Enjoy your moments and remember to be kind to yourself.

Cindy.

Featured Image:

Unsplash photo by Kelly Sikkema

The gifs are from giphy.com if you were wondering. check them out you’ll find something you like.