Hi beautiful people!!
Welcome back to my blog, it’s amazing to write again, there’s been a lot going on and I am glad, I am back to sharing.
Well, let’s get on with it, so finally, I had the answer to the question my mum asked years ago; which was, why do I hate her?
I don’t hate my mum, but I think as a child I almost got there. And that shaped our relationship, I haven’t been home in 4 years and people do ask me “aren’t you missing home?”, and I smile because honestly, I don’t, it was hell for me and I used my admission into the university (luckily, it was in another country and a bit far) to get away from that environment–I do call it my escape.
A lot of us grow up and we start to ask why we feel resentment for some particular people in our lives, and that’s because there are things we haven’t processed fully, forgiven, let go or healed from.
I was a frustrated teenage child, I never really smiled at home or had a good laugh without something horrible coming up next… Some of the things happening I couldn’t fully understand as a child, and so resentment just started to build up. I remember my mum asking me why I hated her, I was silent and didn’t have an answer then, but now, I do. And that’s because I had to dig deep to understand the resentment I feel towards her and why I easily get riled up by just speaking to her.
Eventually, we get to that point or age when we realize our parents are not perfect and are just human beings who make mistakes, I get most times parents want what’s best for their kids, “your parents love you” yup, I get that, but why does it have to be so toxic?
And going back, processing all that happened, made me understand how much abuse I endured.
Wait, hold up!! not the physical one tho (well, would I say I am lucky? Not really) but the mental one, the body-shaming, fat-shaming, slut-shaming (when you’ve not even had sex yet) or the blaming for the sexual assault that happened.
Why do our mums have to be our first body-shamers, or fat-shamers or slut-shamers?
You know the kind you get from mean girls or boys in school or generally just mean people who do not really like you and I trying to make you feel bad, some of us got that constantly at home. And sadly, even when you experience this in school or outside your home you have no one to talk to.
I really love that I am able to answer that question, process and start healing because without even fully comprehending what I was going through, I always told her I didn’t want to be like her.
So why?
It was the abuse, the shaming, blaming, comparing, constant berating, and the most hurtful things I have ever heard in my life.
These things do shape who we become before we eventually start to unlearn, tear ourselves apart, put us back together before we start to see our worth, know and believe we are good enough.
Some people have shared a similar experience with me and I want to let them know that I get it…
I get it, I understand…
I talk about this because we need to, particularly because we don’t want to repeat this with the people we love, just thinking about it is not going to prevent it from happening.
I have many questions for parents who are like this, why do you have to make your daughter’s or son’s life a living hell for them to want to get away from you and be okay not seeing you?
I get that this is what most parents know or experienced but where does it stop?
I wanted to make this post into parts, there is still a lot to share and write about… Stay tuned. We will talk about it so we can heal together.
Please like, share and comment.
Also, sons in a way we experience this differently, but if you relate to this or you are experiencing this right now, feel free to leave a comment and share your experience.
If you are okay sharing your experience please do I’ll love to hear from you.
Enjoy your moments.
Just Sharing.
Cindy.
