My Fitness Journey and my relationship with food.

Hi, for a while now, I have been trying to lose weight, well, let’s say three to four years, my weight gain started in 2013/14 when I got into the university.

I gained over 25kg and more, I moved from weighing 70/75kg to 100kg, LOL huge right?

I didn’t notice how bad it got until my clothes stop fitting totally. This made me sad and ever since I have been trying to get rid of the excess fat.

Presently, I weigh 95kg which is progress but I have been shuffling between 83 to 95kg in the last 3 years and the most challenging thing is being consistent, I get into my workout and diet, then eventually stop for different reasons: new jobs, stress, illness, money. Also, scale obsession didn’t help (like I lose 5/8kg, go back to old habits and then gain it back) but “stress” was a major problem.

What exactly am I stressed out about?

The weight gain was hard to deal with, I was bothered, insecure, self-conscious and shy. Comments from people didn’t really help, they just hurt my feelings—people say hurtful things sometimes because they actually don’t know how it feels to be overweight, uncomfortable, constipated and irritable. My opinion; they basically have no idea of what’s going on inside, and I believe, most of the work had to do with the emotional aspect than the physical aspect which involved: dealing with insecurity and believing I was beautiful regardless of the excess fat, loving myself unconditionally and being comfortable in my skin, getting myself to work out and changing my diet.

I was advised to starve for just a week (on different occasions) and I’ll lose the weight, but I knew that was not true because I tried it and it didn’t work, my protruding lower belly still existed, people suddenly turned into fitness coaches just because they are skinny, but yet they can’t even run for 5 minutes without almost passing out (pay no attention, I am just throwing shades).

Anyway, it has been a difficult physical and emotional journey for me. There were several things that contributed to the excessive weight gain but now, I am going to discuss my relationship with food.

Food addiction/eating disorder: I am not talking about eating everything, but you know there is this particular thing you love, it’s unhealthy but then you are always craving it, or sometimes when you are done eating your regular meal, you still want to just have a bite because you are still not satisfied. It’s hard when you are being told to eat little of what you really love, (ha-ha like who the fvck do you think you are talking to LOL) well, I am an addict and I’ll rather not have it all.

Initially, this was my way of thinking—but I have come to the realization that control is key, self-control is really important not just when it is about sex, but this can be applied to various areas of our lives, especially food.

Starving: I used to believe “food” was the enemy, so I skipped meals; eating once or twice in a day, and drinks (coke, sprite and any other carbonated drink) were my go-to replacement for food, I used to feel bloated and I always ended up eating more.

Well, I strongly believe that starving is not the way to treat something you love (You) just because you don’t like the way you look. It’s okay to be hungry, you are human and you need food to survive, I understand the guilt feeling you might get after eating, but progress is making healthier food choices, portion control and treating yourself once in a while.

After many trials and lessons learned, I now eat 5 to 6 times in a day, regular meals, snacks, and I drink a lot of water, It has not been easy as a freelance, unemployed student keeping up with this lifestyle, but I stopped making excuses, I created a budget and I don’t forget to consider my feelings when selecting the kind of groceries I buy. I always have fruits and veggies in my diet which has helped with my food digestion, one last thing I stopped climbing the scale because it was always making me feel bad; sometimes you feel you are doing a lot but when you climb that scale there is no big difference and that can discourage you, I prefer measurements instead, because your body might be changing and it may not really show on the scale.

Eventually, my goal changed from just wanting to lose weight and be skinny to being healthy and living a healthy life, because one thing that scares me the most is being old and sick, after making these changes, my relationship with food is a lot better.

So make healthier choices. I would be sharing more posts about my workout, stress, hopefully, one-day progress pictures (still shy) and many more.

Chose your health.

Dedication: For the people struggling with weight insecurities, eating disorders, self-love…… I will be sharing my fit journey stories. Please leave a comment to let me know how you feel and what you are doing to make changes in your life.

Just Sharing a Life.

Featured Image:

Unsplash photo by Ev

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