Discovering Feminism

Hi, so maybe you already know about the word feminism it is one of the most talked about words now.

Well, I didn’t, I just discovered it not too long ago. The thing is, I have always been a feminist without realizing it. I have come to understand that a lot of people don’t really know what feminism is about, people mistake it for misandry.

I recently shared Dear Ijeawele or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions Book by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie with a friend because I wanted to discuss it with him. Here is the thing he didn’t know the meaning of feminism and that is the case with a lot of people. He liked the book he said the book was more about gender equality. My friend said he preferred to use gender equality than feminism and that it seemed to him that feminist are those who felt the female gender was superior to the male gender.

Well, I feel feminism is a powerful word maybe because I probably haven’t come across such a word that would make certain people dislike or feel threatened without knowing what it means, I remember the first time hearing about it and thinking, what is society up to now? But then I actually searched the word and read about it and am like yeah that’s what I am all about.

Now I am not speaking for those who know the meaning and feel threatened, insecure or believe we shouldn’t have equal benefits as humans, I don’t know about them but I honestly feel there is a problem here and some people need help.

I know a lot of women can relate to this, I remember growing up aunties and mothers telling me: you shouldn’t think of buying your own house or moving out women are meant to go from their father’s house to their husband’s house, you must marry because you are the only daughter of your mother, you shouldn’t know too much unless you will drive away your husband, buying a house will make the man feel threatened, after school is marriage right?

Friends or even a random stranger telling you: you have to be married by twenty-two (22) because of your size, your mates are in their husband’s house.

I don’t understand why women are given expiring dates; trust me it has nothing to do with biology, why I need to shrink for husband to be comfortable or to accept me, why I have to learn how to cook, clean and do other domestic activities not because it is a basic thing I need to learn that will be useful to me as an adult and when I eventually start living on my own but it’s for me to be able to attract a man and a husband. This was an issue for me I basically learned how to cook by myself because I and my mum could not just get along. I really don’t understand why I can’t be filthy rich and attract a husband LOL or why I have to be ashamed or at fault for being molested (a story for another day) and making excuses for badly behaved sick people.

Recently, there was an interview between Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Trevor Noah that really got people tweeting and passing both positive and negative remarks, well, I would say maybe a lot of people don’t get it, some do but don’t agree with it or some just like being in that situation.

I wonder why each time a man feels he needs to be a protector even to those who don’t need it. I boarded a bus from Dodowa road to Madina ( yup you guess right, its Ghana) recently and just because this man wanted to sit by me he goes “Ohema move in let me protect you”, I was stunned.

In the three months I worked in a restaurant, each time a man wants to drop lines he goes, “ fine girl like you, you need a man to protect you, let me be that man” or “ I have a man for you let me hook you up” when they praise your suffering with “strong woman” and “wife material, you are truly a wife material” LOL. Working there was really eventful.

Marriage as the ultimate and ground for validation; girls are conditioned to dream about marriage even as little kids, sometimes, marriages have more value than whatever a girl decides to do with her life or even the career she decides to pursue. Marriage is seen as the most important recognition of a woman, women are expected to be responsible for the home, a union I think is supposed to be equal.

Good wife = healthy home keeping sh*t together.

In Igbo culture (my culture) a woman can not inherit property just because she is a woman, sometimes you see a woman is driven out of the husband’s house because he died, even the fact that a male child is what solidifies your stay in your husband’s house, or the fact that a woman needs to shave her hair just because the husband is late, sometimes remarrying is even frowned upon.
Maybe we were raised to think this system is okay and it works but it doesn’t.

I understand if you are not a big dreamer or one that is not fascinated or interested in the idea of marriage, or maybe you really don’t want equal pay or to be treated equal, but the freedom of choice is what we fight for.

Photo by Kristina V on Unsplash

Most times when conversations like this are being brought up feminist are referred to or tagged as angry AKA “Angry Feminists”.

Am I angry?

Yes, I am, because I had to put up with that for most of my life, and honestly, I can’t live like that.

Feminism has no gender, men can be feminist too.

I just hope for a system that works for both genders.

I want my girls to dream more, I want my girls to pursue their dreams I don’t want them to shrink to be accepted I want my girls to own their sexuality.

I hope we raise our kids better.

Just sharing.

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