Sex Talk and Sex shaming

Hi, everyone, I am glad we are opening up and having discussions about sex and other pressing issues—we still have a lot to do.

I am happy and proud that women are owning their sexuality, speaking up and exploring.

Before I continue, If you are one who does not believe in sex with or without marriage, this piece is not for you.

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I believe in it and I’ll rather we educate people about sex than tell them not to have it.

I think people are uncomfortable and shy about sex talks or discussions that have to do with sex unless its derogatory.
Derogatory in the sense of sex shaming and other unimaginable hurtful things people do.
You hear people use words like slut, whore, lose, and more, shaming and criticizing people for having sex.

Parents and sex talk

Majority of parents, especially in Nigeria, don’t talk to their kids about sex because God forbid you even know about sex, talk more about having it.

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Now, I am not blaming parents because this has been pass down from generations, sex talk or sex topics have been avoided and limited to incomplete family planning discussion and reproduction.

And because of this kids grow up learning through experience, don’t get me wrong, Experience is also an awesome way to learn but how about a heads up.

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I remember, “don’t let any boy touch you unless you will get pregnant”.

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Lol, touch = pregnancy.

Or use a condom (like in a form of scolding and warning).

Well, I for one will educate my kids about sex, teach them “consent” which is very important for both sides; teach my girls to stand by their decisions and not be coerced into doing what they don’t want, and also teach my boys about consent and respecting peoples wishes.
Talk about the importance of communication (especially with me), safe sex and make sure there is room open for discussions if they have questions.
(And this brings me to raising kids that talk, topic for another day)

I want our kids and loved ones to understand the consequences of their actions, for example, having unsafe sex that might result to unwanted pregnancy, STI or STDs and any other situation that is likely to arise from uninformed and unsafe sex decisions, and that can only be achieved through having discussions and healthy talks with our kids, siblings, family members or friends.
Children are not dumb they are very perceptive, trust, they understand things.

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These open discussions will help a lot, you get to know if they feel they are in danger of a sexual assault with anyone and stop it before anything unthinkable happens.

Sex and shame

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Why are women being shamed for having sex?

Why is it shameful for a woman to have sex?

I have heard and witnessed people shame women for having sex. And when you ask why they think it’s not okay to treat women the same way men are treated when it comes to sex, they give me the ignorant reference of a key and keyhole.

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Enough with the double standards already.

Sex always seemed like something we give or something that is taken from women, or even a situation of powerplay when it is supposed to be two (or more) consenting adults enjoying pleasure.

Most people can’t have a disagreement without bringing up a degrading statement about a woman’s sexual life, it’s worse if they were ever sexually involved.

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And this affects so many things, for instance, there was a tweet about how women should stop treating themselves as a price so that men won’t feel like they are working too hard and later get tired, it was funny to me because I know it’s a deep-rooted issue on both sides. I say this because women are normally referred to as cheap (easy to get) or expensive (hard to get).

What does that even mean?

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So when a woman is being courted by a man and she is responsive, from his views or definition of too soon she is seen as cheap because to him, she has to play hard to get, and when she tosses him around the man sees that as oh she is not easy to get I have to work hard.

Now is that not a problem?

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Did it ever cross your mind that she might like you too?

Or maybe she is interested in casual sex with you too.

Learn to ask, and if your not in agreement please move on.
Oh, I didn’t mention the part where if she is the one courting, then she is tagged as desperate.

One question, why is one seen as likeness or innocent attraction, and the other is seen as desperation, cheap and expensive?

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Furthermore, you find a lot of people go into a relationship because they want to have sex, and just because they want to avoid being called names or being seen as promiscuous then it ends up being horrible and toxic.

Well, I feel it is a good thing that a lot of people are waking up, defining themselves, living their life and doing things that make them happy.

Women want casual sex sometimes too.

Let’s stop sex shaming its 2018.

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Sex shaming is one of the worst things women and men go through every day, be it a sexual assault incidence or even consensual sex. And in cases which involve assault, it results in victim blaming.

Stop sex shaming!!! and let’s be better people, parents, friends, and family.

One way or the other we have all been victims of sex shaming and have in a way taken part in it or allowed it happen by being quiet.

We are learning and we are growing, let’s do that together and let’s make every day a little better.

We are humans first before anything else.

Just sharing.

Please Like and share.

And also leave a comment of the type of sex education or talk you were given.

If you would like to share your experience on sex shaming send me an email ( if you want someone to listen or discuss with.

Take care.

Featured Image:
Pablo Merchán Montes

The gifs are from if you were wondering. check them out you’ll find something you like.

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